Make sure to read up on the Three Worst Types of Online Gamers before continuing!
My last post regarding the three worst types of online gamers may have netted me the reputation of a Negative Nancy. While that may be accurate, I still thought it necessary to identify the best types of online gamers as well. In gaming culture, like most niche communities, often times the negative aspects of the populace are advertised and highlighted more often than the positive aspects.
In an effort to be fair and balanced, and to let the decent gaming folk know we at MP1ST haven’t forgotten about them, here are the three best types of online gamers:
The Gentleman is easily the best kind of teammate you can have. Always rational, never becoming emotionally invested in the game, he tries his hardest and invariably remains calm, cool, and collected. Killed and tea-bagged by an opponent? He remains low-key and attentive to the task at hand. A teammate steals his care package? No worries, he’ll steadily wait until he earns another one, appreciative of the fact that he helped out his squad.
The Scholar has a comprehensive knowledge of the game at hand. Need to know the best route from A to B in a match of Battlefield Conquest? He’ll tell you, and won’t be a bit condescending or sarcastic. What’s the best loadout to use if you’re taking advantage of the Ghost perk in Call of Duty? He’ll give you three, each for a specific map or gametype. Not having any luck at Mario Kart Wii? He’ll take the time out of his own game to teach you how to use Funky Kong and the Flame Runner, and you will be eternally grateful.
The Frozen Yogurt
The Frozen Yogurt gamer is the great peacekeeper. When friends or lovers are upset, they head to a neutral place to get some frozen yogurt and take a break from whatever argument has them riled up. Teammates will squabble, fight, and argue, and relationships are tested in the virtual arena. Fortunately, the Frozen Yogurt gamer is there to mend fences, bring peace, and help all parties relax with a kind word, helpful advice, or a witty quip regarding the opposing team’s mothers and their propensity for promiscuity.
It’s my wish, dear reader, that you refrain from being a DJ. Don’t be a Mouth Breather. Cease all One and Done activity, and instead be a Gentleman. A Scholar. Be the Frozen Yogurt your team truly needs.
Don’t forget to follow @MPFirst for more humour pieces like these! To learn more about how to become a better FPS gamer, check out our article on the importance of Playing the Objective.